and I am ok with that... But how, how do you survive when you hear constant judgement. "You show too much grace to that child." "You don't show enough grace to the other child" "You are neglecting that one" I have heard all of it about each of my children. And yes, I do discipline each child differently. They are different and respond to different punishments, to different types of love. They speak different love languages and I know each one. They are treated differently, yet equal.
I rarely discipline my children in public. Because, honestly, it isn't any of your business. I have two children whose love language is gifts, so you may not see that when they are punished because it is usually by the taking away of privileges. Their second language is words, if I speak harshly to them in front of other people, then that would humiliate them. That is not love. That is pride on my part. That is my boasting in front of others how I can bring my child low. It also pushes my child farther away. I don't want to do that.
My other child is words first. So, they will not get a "tongue lashing" in front of other people. Second is quality time. This child is most like me... I get them.
I think about how God loves each of us. How He is so good at speaking each of our love languages so perfectly. I know that there is no way that I can speak to each of my children the way that He does. I wonder sometimes, if Satan approaches the throne and says, "you are giving Rachel too much grace, she will never learn if you keep showing her grace" I would love to know what God says back. I would love to know how to respond to those that tell me I give my kids too much grace.... Discipline isn't about showing how great of a parent you are to all the other parents, it's about teaching your kids. It's about pointing them to a Father in Heaven who loves them so much and who isn't about performance and making Him look good. It's about letting my children know that I too make mistakes and sometimes don't live up to the expectation of others.
Being a parent to 3 adopted children is different. They have baggage. Yes, they were adopted as babies, but there are questions that other kids will not have. Being a mom who has never given birth is also different. I also have baggage, I have constant doubts and fears that a mother whose children only have one set of parents doesn't have to deal with.
My desire is to be a parent like my Father... to point them in the right direction when they mess up and yes, they may lose a privilege or an item for a bit, but I will not brag about it to anyone... I will not boast in their failures, I will not boast in their punishment.
Proverbs 24:17 Rejoice not when thine enemy falleth, and let not thine heart be glad when he stumbleth: