Thursday, October 8, 2009

Conflicting Reports

Today I got two emails. One for husbands about how to treat your wives and one for wives on how to treat your husbands. Now, I sub to a few newsletters and these were from different ministries, so it isn't like one sent out both.

Ok. Well, the email for husbands went something like this. Husbands, love your wives. When you get home, don't just plop on the sofa and watch TV. Ask her how her day went, help her if she needs help. Just because you are married doesn't mean that you should stop romancing her. Don't spend all your free time with your buddies. Don't stop "courting" her.. If you do, then she will feel deceived. Love her for who she is. After a few kids, don't expect her to have the same body that she did when she was 16. Love her body with all the wonderful changes that childbearing brings...

The one for wives. Wives, when you husband walks through the door at night, don't bother him with the days events and expect him to help you. He needs to sit in his chair and relax. He has been bothered all day by people needing him and the last thing he wants is to have to give even more when he gets home. Try to keep the kids quiet so that he can relax. Allow him time on the weekend to golf and spend time with his friends. Just because he is married, doesn't mean that he stops needing time with "the guys". You should always look your best. Spend time keeping your body fit, if you gain weight and stop wearing make up and fixing your hair like you did when you were courting, the he will feel deceived.

Hmmm... so what then are we supposed to do?? Who is right? Well, both are. You see love is all about being aware of the needs of those you profess to love. Isn't that what our Father does? He isn't going to give us all the same things, He is going to meet the needs of the individual person. Contrary to popular belief, we don't all need the same things. We even don't all desire the same things.

I spent some time a few years ago learning the love languages of my family. I have everyone figured out except my dd. She is still in that "selfish" phase where it is all about pleasing her. So, she gets a little of everything until I have her figured out..LOL

My husband is very good at seeing what I need and meeting that need. Many times, it is done in his love language which is good. I recognize it and I accept it as love. His is acts of service. If I have dishes that need to be washed then he will do it. If he sees that I had a hard day then he will chip in to help and allow me a bit of rest. I tend to answer in his love language. Although I do "demand" hugs and words of affirmation! My middle child in much like me. If he sees me struggling with something he will come up to me and hug me and tell me he loves me. Oh that does wonders. My oldest is gifts. He will give me things. When he was younger he would spend time drawing for me. He will pick flowers for me and even suggest to J that he give me flowers for my birthday. My boy knows which gifts mom wants!!LOL

Love isn't selfish. Love isn't saying "I have had a hard day meet my needs" love says " You have had a hard day, let me meet your needs" and that is pretty much what both emails were saying. So, Find a need and meet it.

In closing, I went to Ladies Bible Study last night. The lady teaching (sorry, I don't remember your name!) said (and I paraphrase) Take it slow, do your job, do it well, and do it with grace. Grace...and Love... isn't that what we all need?

Love you guys!!


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